José

José, 45 years old, identifies as gay male, in a 23 year relationship (now married) with a gay male. 

I keep thinking about passion, and expressing my hot emotions in public, and honestly, I can’t find a moment, a memory that is followed by peace or solace. My passion had to be always satisfied in safe places, places I knew I had the control. The picture of the Doorbell in red represents exactly this feeling. Red, as I said, means passion, love and sex to me, so I am trying to say that before expressing any kind of affection in public I had to ring the bell of permission, my own permission – society permission? I don’t know exactly, but again, it was not something spontaneous. Pay attention to the bars in the window, this is also how my holding hands feelings were; behind bars, as prisoners, as If I was doing a kind of illegal thing. As you may see in the pic, the wall is dirty and kind of gross; this is the memory I have of kissing and showing my affection in gay bars: it was dark, and I perfectly knew everybody was looking for the same, sex, but not me, I just wanted to enjoy privacy with my partner.