José

José, 45 years old, identifies as gay male, in a 23 year relationship (now married) with a gay male. 

This is what I see when I walk outside with Christo. We don’t hold hands (we were taught not to do it) but I see our shadow as if we’re doing it. We love to cuddle each other, to caress, and of course to hold hands. This is like maybe my dream. This is what I would like, what I would like to see, not in a shadow but in real flesh. But to be honest, it’s not something I am comfortable with. This is what I would like to see in my future, although I am not optimistic about it.

It is an absence. And also I think a lot about how my life would be if I would have been taught or allowed to do it. I will probably be more affectionate and more romantic or whatever. I was taught like that, so I mean I don’t want to lose time in putting the blame to somewhere. I don’t want to find who or what is responsible or whatever; It was how it was and that’s all.  But I am sure that I would be a different person If I had the social permission to do this.